Here or There?



Lulu and her cousins in York, Maine



Do you live near your family or wish you did? We just got back from visiting family up in the Northeast and it was a reminder of how difficult it is sometimes to be so far away.  Not only difficult, but I wonder if we are doing a real disservice to our daughter by not raising her near her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins?  

Growing up, I lived in 15 cities/states, three countries and don’t remember ever living close to any relatives.   My parents and in-laws tell stories of walking to their grandparents' houses after school or going to parties at their cousin's summer camp. . .all stuff I only saw on TV and my kid will only experience during short trips “home.” 

I wonder now if being so separated geographically from extended family has had anything to do with the type of person I am today.  Sometimes I can be aloof; maybe emotionally distant, independent--bordering on self-centered and solitary.  At our staff meeting yesterday it hit home that I may even have hermit tendencies (putting it nicely)!

Lulu and more cousins in Boston's North End





Yesterday, the boss man was talking about Sunday’s Mass readings (Jeremiah 23: 1-6 and Mark 6: 30-34) and about the message of “hope” one could find in the scripture. I knew the passages well—yet, I had an entirely different interpretation. I was stuck on the need to “come away by yourselves. . .and rest a while.”  The need to replenish, refresh and retreat!  Especially in the retreat part, (as in escape) that is where I find hope! Now is that nature or nurture?  I don’t know.  

I think people should learn how to be alone with themselves. It seems like a good skill to teach our children; yet I think it is something that many of us are uncomfortable with.  We fear silence.  We hate being still.  A lot of good can come from those quiet, still moments! And lets face it, we all do need to recharge our batteries from time to time.  This is the only way we can truly be present to others. 

BUT, we’re social beings.  I could go on for ever on all the research that has been done on the benefits of friendships, family relationships and eating dinner together as a family unit-- blah, blah, blah. . .my point is, as our society (and families) becomes more global—are we actually becoming more isolated?  As we focus on become more high tech are we forgetting about “high touch” because we are so far removed from our familiar—our family—who teach us about relationships?    

I had a great childhood.  I wouldn’t change it for the world-but to experience some of the things my in-laws and parents did as kids—big sigh-- that would be awesome! Like walking over to my grandfather’s house everyday after school and grabbing a snack at the Big Red’s lunch counter and just talking with him. Or going to parties at my aunt and uncle’s summer camp with all my cousins and oh yeah--U.S. Representative John F. Kennedy!

What do you remember most about growing up? Is it things or is it time spent with family?  Exactly. 

Tips to stay close with family—even when you are far away! 

Abbreviated from Kids Health from Nemours:

• Visit often. Plan regular trips to see out-of-town grandmas and grandpas. Planning the next trip can help your child regard that time as special.
• Stay in touch with technology. Use the telephone and email to talk, write, and send pictures and sound files of your kids to grandparents.
• Say cheese. Post snapshots of grandparents in your home and point them out to your kids often.
• Sound mail call. Kids love receiving mail. So send grandparents a box of stationery and postcards and some stamps and ask them to write regularly.
• Pass it on. Many grandparents have hobbies or special skills — such as knitting, woodworking, or cooking — that they'd love to pass on to their grandchildren.
• Chart a family tree. Both younger and older kids enjoy learning about their ancestors and relatives. Encourage grandparents to share stories of their families. You can even provide paper and drawing supplies so they can chart the family tree.

Do you have other tips?  Email Danielle

My Part of Me

I am so mad right now.  I know I will get over it so I don’t want to make too big of a deal about this, but right now I am M.A.D.--Mad! 

So here’s the thing:  the summer camp my daughter attends took all the kids on a field trip today to see the Katy Perry movie.  No permission slips went out asking parents for permission. No arrangements were made at the summer camp for the kids whose parents didn’t want their children to see the movie—so, you either had to take off one day from work, or you get to spend the next week explaining why your daughter can't wear a shirt that shoots ice cream from her chest!  

I am angry on so many levels right now.  I don’t mean to start a debt about whether it is/or isn’t appropriate for a four year old to see (or listen to) Katy Perry—but as the mom, I get to make that decision for my daughter. My VERY impressionable daughter who can’t decide if she wants to be Mermaidia, Snow White or Barbie when she grows-up! (ugh!). 



Do kids still ride bikes?



I am angry that I had to pull my kid out of camp as everyone was lining up to leave, all happy and excited to be going on this fantastic, life altering field trip--because everything is life altering when you are four!  I hate that my kid asked why she was the only one not going and all I could come up with was, “Your Dad and I don’t think it is appropriate for someone your age.”  To which she counter—“But So-and-So, who is also four is going.”  Ahhh, of course!  Now I am going to have to use the blasted “Well, if So-and-So jumped off a cliff would you?” Am I really just mad because I am turning into my parents?!



I had blue hair (and every other primary color!), before Katy Perry sang her first song.  I had my head shaved before she was even born!  I am not afraid of her brand of pop culture.  But there does seem a time and a place and four just seems too young, and I am not ready to explain some things yet (maybe ever!).   Are we exposing our children too soon and expecting them to have the emotional, intellectual and social maturity and capacity to process what they are experiencing?  Is this what the new four looks like?



I Need a Guide!

I was on the web this morning, researching local children’s nonprofits and I noticed a listing of recommended parenting books.  As I looked through all the titles and descriptions, I was thinking to myself-I could use that!  It got me thinking, when you are new to parenting how do you know you need help?  I mean how do you know you don’t know what you are doing—short of an intervention or legal action?

I think there are some obvious Do and Don’t examples out there to definitely follow (or avoid) like the. . .over zealous parents who caused that one Easter egg hunt to be banned this year because they couldn’t stand the idea of their kids failing at finding an Easter egg.  An Easter egg!   

I know I am probably boarding on the edge of what they call a “Helicopter-Tiger Mom,” but I like to think I am somewhat reasonable.  Though I am sure there was at least one mom at the last Colorado Springs Easter Egg Hunt, knocking down other moms and any kid that made the mistake of getting in her way—thinking the exact same thing!

So how do you know when to intervene? When to know your kiddo needs to be pushed a little more and when to just give that mean kid on the playground the hairy eyeball? Just like the parenting books, I am sure there is a right answer for each kid/family out there!     For my daughter, right now it seems a delicate ballet of push, pull, hairy eyeball—and usually it’s her giving ME the hairy eyeball!