Here or There?



Lulu and her cousins in York, Maine



Do you live near your family or wish you did? We just got back from visiting family up in the Northeast and it was a reminder of how difficult it is sometimes to be so far away.  Not only difficult, but I wonder if we are doing a real disservice to our daughter by not raising her near her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins?  

Growing up, I lived in 15 cities/states, three countries and don’t remember ever living close to any relatives.   My parents and in-laws tell stories of walking to their grandparents' houses after school or going to parties at their cousin's summer camp. . .all stuff I only saw on TV and my kid will only experience during short trips “home.” 

I wonder now if being so separated geographically from extended family has had anything to do with the type of person I am today.  Sometimes I can be aloof; maybe emotionally distant, independent--bordering on self-centered and solitary.  At our staff meeting yesterday it hit home that I may even have hermit tendencies (putting it nicely)!

Lulu and more cousins in Boston's North End





Yesterday, the boss man was talking about Sunday’s Mass readings (Jeremiah 23: 1-6 and Mark 6: 30-34) and about the message of “hope” one could find in the scripture. I knew the passages well—yet, I had an entirely different interpretation. I was stuck on the need to “come away by yourselves. . .and rest a while.”  The need to replenish, refresh and retreat!  Especially in the retreat part, (as in escape) that is where I find hope! Now is that nature or nurture?  I don’t know.  

I think people should learn how to be alone with themselves. It seems like a good skill to teach our children; yet I think it is something that many of us are uncomfortable with.  We fear silence.  We hate being still.  A lot of good can come from those quiet, still moments! And lets face it, we all do need to recharge our batteries from time to time.  This is the only way we can truly be present to others. 

BUT, we’re social beings.  I could go on for ever on all the research that has been done on the benefits of friendships, family relationships and eating dinner together as a family unit-- blah, blah, blah. . .my point is, as our society (and families) becomes more global—are we actually becoming more isolated?  As we focus on become more high tech are we forgetting about “high touch” because we are so far removed from our familiar—our family—who teach us about relationships?    

I had a great childhood.  I wouldn’t change it for the world-but to experience some of the things my in-laws and parents did as kids—big sigh-- that would be awesome! Like walking over to my grandfather’s house everyday after school and grabbing a snack at the Big Red’s lunch counter and just talking with him. Or going to parties at my aunt and uncle’s summer camp with all my cousins and oh yeah--U.S. Representative John F. Kennedy!

What do you remember most about growing up? Is it things or is it time spent with family?  Exactly. 

Tips to stay close with family—even when you are far away! 

Abbreviated from Kids Health from Nemours:

• Visit often. Plan regular trips to see out-of-town grandmas and grandpas. Planning the next trip can help your child regard that time as special.
• Stay in touch with technology. Use the telephone and email to talk, write, and send pictures and sound files of your kids to grandparents.
• Say cheese. Post snapshots of grandparents in your home and point them out to your kids often.
• Sound mail call. Kids love receiving mail. So send grandparents a box of stationery and postcards and some stamps and ask them to write regularly.
• Pass it on. Many grandparents have hobbies or special skills — such as knitting, woodworking, or cooking — that they'd love to pass on to their grandchildren.
• Chart a family tree. Both younger and older kids enjoy learning about their ancestors and relatives. Encourage grandparents to share stories of their families. You can even provide paper and drawing supplies so they can chart the family tree.

Do you have other tips?  Email Danielle